Sophomore Year: Fall 2014
Day 1
New year, new school, and new people I have to try to get along with. We'll see how it goes.
Day 3
I'm always worried about getting into trouble for cussing at school (because I do it a lot), but today we started reading this play in English. It's called 12 Angry Men, and I read the part for Juror 7, who swears all the time. Our teachers let us say the words and they read them too! I've never heard a teacher swear before. They always try to seem so perfect.
Day 7
School is going alright, I guess. I'm tired of reading and homework, but I really like my science and math classes. One of my English teachers gave us the homework of comparing an event in our lives to one of the themes in the play. All the themes are hard to talk about: prejudice, anonymity, blame, guilt. I don't want to talk about my life to these people; they're strangers. I don't even want to talk to my therapist about my life. Why would I talk to them?
I'm not going to do this assignment. I've decided to turn it in blank. I'm sure they'll get the hint.
Day 8
Today when I passed my assignment forward, my teacher asked me why it wasn't filled out. No one ever asked me that before; they just gave me the F. I told her I didn't want to give any personal details about my life, and she talked to me about what I could do to still meet the requirements and get a good grade without talking about things that she called "emotionally charged."
I liked the alternative she gave me. She talked to me about what I liked to write about (which isn't anything, really), what I like to study, and how to tie-in my beliefs about science or politics with standing up for what I believe when others aren't with me. It actually made sense. I remembered hearing about racism in Ferguson, Missouri and I wanted to research it more because I may not believe the same things other people do about the situation. She told me to think about how my opinions about the cop aren't going to be shared by everybody else. I spent some time in the library trying to figure out what to write about, but I didn't do much. I still just don't really care about this assignment.
Day 9
My grandpa called my English teacher last night. He's worried about my grade in there because I have an F. I just hate writing and reading; there are better things to do with my time. Especially when I have to talk about my life. I don't think it's possible to get a good grade in this class.
Day 10
I was worried that my teachers would feel sorry for me today. Poor little kid, has to have his grandpa call to check in on him and explain why he struggles with English class. Screw that.
But Instead, one of my teachers asked me if I finished my homework, even though my grandpa explained that I don't like writing about my life and that I didn't want to do the assignment. She even gave me extra class time to complete it. I felt kind of bad because I still didn't want to work, and she's probably annoyed that I don't because she made me sit at a table alone. She tried to talk to me about my life some more. What I like, what classes I enjoy, what classes I hate. I guess I told her I hate gym, which I do, and I'm glad I don't have to take it again because we started talking about why I don't like it. I guess I'd never really thought about it. I just thought I didn't really care about school because school didn't care about me. But it was because the boy's coach was an inconsiderate jerk. I don't care about my teachers, or even think about them for that matter. He didn't care about me, why should I even think about him? He doesn't deserve any of my time. She just kept asking me about why he was a jerk, why I didn't get along with him. He gave me an F, he didn't even try to help me get a good grade. I had just moved again, and didn't have any gym clothes. I don't even bother asking my mom to buy me the stuff I need anymore. There's no point. He never asked me why I didn't have stuff, but just reminded me that I needed clothes. My teacher asked me if I thought he should have treated me differently, if he should have given me partial credit for participating or tried to help me get clothes. But I don't really care about my grade in gym class. She said something that kind of surprised me: "I don't care that you don't care, if you were the teacher, would you have done something differently? Did you think he had treated you justly?"
I guess I would have.
She stopped to tell me that I didn't need to write anything different than what I'd just told her. So I wrote it down and turned it in.
Day 13
I just took my 12 Angry Men test. I didn't finish in class, but my teacher let me come in during advocacy. I really need a good grade (right now I have a 30%).
Day 15
I got a B on my test. I try not to care about my grades, but I tried really hard on this test. My teacher told me she liked my answers and appreciated how much effort I put into it.
Day 16
I had a really bad headache in class today. My English teacher kept telling me to sit up. Finally I told her that I didn't want to because I had a headache, and she told me to keep my head down, try to pay attention, and do my work the best I could. I did my worksheet and even talked in class discussion. After class she told me she appreciated my contribution even though I didn't feel good.
I think when teachers respect me and my space it makes me want to pay attention to what they're saying. Especially when they notice that I'm trying.
To be continued...
